Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Reba Jukes' LiveJournal:

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Thursday, May 18th, 2006
3:21 am	DAMN BOYEEE!!! I been str8 up ballin lately! To all my critix, you can kiss my whole asshole, and to all my fans, I do it all for you Baybeez! I never thought I'd say this but I'm actually GLAD I didn't make it on to The Flava Of Love, cause I never would have hooked up with the crew I'm runnin with now: I am TIGHT with the SHEENS, Lindsay, JJ, Trent ANNNND Perez!! Man, I'm learning so much - and not only about my body! Did y'all know that da holocaust never even happened? That shit was made up by Bush Sr! What a fag! And Emilio says that Denise is probably in league with the A-rabs, so I'm going under cover as a Jovi groupie to get the inside scoop so Chuckles can win his case. God... I hope I get to fuck Sambora. Current Mood: curious (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
11:41 pm	See if you can spot lil old Reba in this footage at an Robin Williams Oscar party. It was some benefit for Christopher Reeves orphan, but I was like, "what's the point of me paying cover when I'll just steal it back from off your night stand in the half-lit, half-alive dawn?" so he just stood aside and let me through the velvet rope... ... BOO-YAH!! Current Mood: blah (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 14th, 2006
10:37 am	HEY IM BACK!. I'll letcha know about my wicked new life when I'm not so high on all those drugs I found on the floor at the mall. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
10:48 am	My new life is so exciting! Since lil_reba decided to persue her own path to wellness, my star has finally been allowed to shine! I think she was jus jelis cause I was getting more tips in our mother--daughter act. A little annoyed that she knows all the good pushers in des moines and din't leave me with hook ups! The guys at the Bread n Butter (the place I've been peeling at) have even given me a pet name: "Truck Stop Trixie" since they have trouble pronouncing Reba. I'm gonna change my name legally to Trixabelle cause I've been really getting into Mystic Tea Ceremonies and Ka-ball-ah bracelets. Sos anyways, I'm having X-mas dinner for the guys in my part of the bungalow. I've gotta remember to pick up some things when I hitch into town: Hungry Men X's 15 (I eat like 3 of those puny things!) Vodka, OJ and Mountain Dew (my secret ingredient) for Sex on The Beaches Mini Gherkins I think that's it... oh! and tinsel!!! Can't quite afford a tree this year so we're gonna trim lil_dylan instead! He'll be trussed up like a pig at a luaw - don't think he'll mind much. I just love X-mas! Remember to wish your dealer and/or P.I.M.P. a Merry Kwanza! I'm all about the melting pot. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, December 13th, 2004
12:35 am	Let's go SEXIN! Everything's coming up Reba! I gotta get back to work soon (rent is due at midnight!) but I just wanted to fill the internet in on my new line of work! I've packed on the pounds and I'm looking sexy as all get out! They're even callin me big_reba! Ever since lil_reba got her first training bra, things have been swell for ole' Reba!!! She's a real twinkle toes, and the guys just luv her! Our landlord, Patchnose Pete, got us a great gig jigglin' down at the truck stop! He even figgered a way to make my anklet stop beepin when I leave the house! Who said motherhood ain't rewarding? Damn, I'm a real live career girl... and Ma thought I couldn't do it! Merry XXX-Mas! Current Mood: horny (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 9th, 2004
1:26 pm	STARVE STYLE-WATCH: Lolly-Pop Heads!! A new fashion craze is sweeping hollywood, and here at Starve we give you the latest lowdown on celeb style! Thanks to lo-carb, vegan, liquid-only diets, female stars are sporting increasingly emaciated bodies, and with their glamourous up-do's they're looking like walking lolly pops! Although they have to spend most of the day on the toilet, and their bones have the consistency of waxed paper, these celebrity lolly-pop heads are looking as ( sweet as candy! ) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
5:44 pm	Hey Ya'll!!! Since the holidays have hit and I'm a single mom of one and a half (lil_dylan is really more dead than alive), I've got nothin better to do than tool around on the innanet! So I've created a community for starve_ magazine, since I can't afford to publish anything real! It's gonna be so much cooler than ohnotheydidnt, and a lot dirrtier! I really hope yous guys will join in on the fun! Could anyone make the "bio" look better? I had trouble with formatting the a b c's of celebrities! Furthermore, would anyone be able/willing to make us a sweet layout? rhythmbox I'm totally looking at you! I know this is a busy time for you middle-class fruits, but try lending a hand to the less fortunate (since you ain't payin child support!) Stay tuned for actual posts. Tell your friends! Add all your fake accounts so it looks like we're really popular! (Except xbrokendollx. I invited to be a maintainer by accident! Who knew there were so many broken dolls?? It's sad, really.) Ho! Ho! Ho! Junktime. (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 5th, 2004
2:42 pm	Since Uncle Georgie (didn't know he was a Jukes??) won it looks like Lil Reba will be doing all the family surgery for another four years - Dang it! If I wake up in one more alley in a pool of my own blood beside a Korean with a coat hanger I might just bomb the white house! I can't vote cause I'm a felon, and Dickhead Cheney was up in my area warning me and all my Blackey Brethren not to bother even trying. So I didn't. XDxaxmxnxixtx PxAxTxTxY! How you gonna up and leave yer baby mama here in this cold and lonely tundra! The wind whistles your name but no one answers! Fuck! You're an integral part of my internet family, and with lil_reba entering tween-hood she just doesn't have the time to get drunk with her ol' ma anymore. COME BACK, PATTY! Another day, another pencil-thin celebrity sighting... Luv ya, R Current Mood: dirty (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004
12:28 pm	Did I bleach my fem 'stache for this??? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
1:34 pm	an ode to Patty... isn't it ironic, doncha think, when you get up from your computer chair, and feel a sexy load of hot cum slide out of your beav-area, and think you're a real minxy milf, only to realize soon after that it's actually mustard from the giant red hot you just ate in your underpants? Yeah, me too. --shrug-- So, I quit the soldiering life. I got in trouble for some pictures I posed for with my Iraqui sex slaves - I never shoulda listened to sarge when he told me to give the "thumbs up", that was the clincher. And - pregnant again! Can someone run too the store and get me some morning after pill? I'm just too tired from all this smoked meat I've been eating. Current Mood: knocked up (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 13th, 2004
4:02 pm	I've joined the military. I was so sick of being a stay-at-home mom and not contributing ANYTHING to society! I just can't wait until I get my first few killings, and then everyone's gonna know I'm a HEROINE!!!! (not to be confused with my former career as horse junky). Sarge called me a "Janky Ho" today. I didn't know if he was hitting on me or not, so I asked my black friend Jaimie Foxx to explain. He said a Jank is a mixture of a junky and a skank. Pretty accurate. But I still wonder if he's got the hots for me. All the other chicks there are real dykes. thus explains my sorely missed presence on the Livejournal UBER celebrity circuit, and I'm so sorry to have forsaken my most important relationships - those people on my friends list. to joy_disaster Congrats on finally hookin yer baby-daddy into wedded bliss! You must have read The Rules I and II!! Don't worry about the deciet of wearing white - it's a woman's perogative to sin in this modern world. TO my darlin lil_reba: I'm madder than a women's libber with a fire-proof bra about you deleting! Just cause mommy went to war doesn't mean you should throw away your future! Remember to stay in school, and can U please send Mommy's diaphragm? I think it's in the lazy susan between the palm oil and cheezies. Love ya'll! (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 25th, 2004
10:10 am	Well, crazy weekend as I had to go up to N'orleans for the last hearing of popular_guy's estate. I left lil_reba in charge. I HOPED she would be responsible enough to take care of baby_dylan. HAH!!! It was a disaster... Good thing I left the cam corder on to record it. Current Mood: crazy (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
1:44 pm	Eye Drops and the Missing Plot A woe-begotten gentleman, with an athletic build and a backward ball cap, stood on the edge of the muddy banks of the Thonotasassa. In his hand he held a writing tablet, which was blank. ( what gives? ) Current Mood: crazy (5 Comments |Comment on this)
2:36 am	I do have the next installment of the tragic tale of the triumphant trio, but first I have a burning question that I need answered by anyone who can! Is it possible to retrieve posts written in suspended communities, other than your own? In short, I'd like to get something that was written in exalted_my_ass, really bad. Is there a way to get it? Do I have to track down the sexy and illusive "RIR" to get it? Please help! My heart's about to become as busted as my face! (11 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 20th, 2004
2:47 pm	Hey guys, when I was toiling away at my typewriter yesterday, I gave lil_reba some crayons to keep her busy. She did a great illustration of my story for me!!! Now be kind everybody! She may not be as smart, pretty and talented as the rest of yous, but she's got feelings too! Current Mood: maternal (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 19th, 2004
8:37 pm	Please tell all your friends about this! I will not go unnoticed! As requested, here is the first installment of the coffeeaddiction/sexismorbid/3circledsun fan fiction. I hope you enjoy! An Entirely Accurate Eye-Witness Account, By Prunella D'ouchebag Any individual, sufficiently ill-fated to be strolling down Ezra avenue on the balmy afternoon of April 19th, 2004, would find themselves chilled to the bone – shaken, stirred – by a blood-curdling scream, coming from the county’s most notorious frat house, most commonly known as the Brew Barn. ( read more... ) Current Mood: satisfied (14 Comments |Comment on this)
2:38 pm	Oi vey! Pregnant again. Fancy that. Guess I'll have to make yet another appointment at the clinic. Don't you hate those girls who use abortion as birth control. I mean, sheesh, those suckers are expensive! Current Mood: preggers (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 17th, 2004
9:57 pm	are you a bozo or just a clutz? It's OVER with me and Indygo! She thinks she's sooo smart. We went to a drum circle on Friday, and all her friends were talking about that Oh Romeo Romeo guy, and I remembered something Miss Geraldine told me in Jr high, but when I said it they all laughed at me! That fuckin carpet licker thinks I don't "get" it just because I didn't get my GED, but Shakespeare WAS bi, and you'd think she'd give a hoot about her precious queer history. So I stopped by Hooters (the bird shop, not the bar) on the way home and picked up my old pal Butch and he slammed my sex piece raw until the crack o dawn. Must remember to get tubes tied tomorrow. Current Mood: pissed off (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 14th, 2004
1:59 pm	My relationship with Indygo has really opened my eyes to my inner womyn. Poetry is dripping from the curtains, flaps and panels of my soul. Here's just a teaser... Labels mother, lover, teacher, healer. Once, I dreamt that you didn't know me as "student", I didn't know you as "Teacher", and I saw you at a womyn's event and asked you to dance. mother, lover, teacher, healer. ...let it sink in... Current Mood: creative (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 13th, 2004
5:29 pm	So I didn't get many applications for new life partner on my last post, so I decided to join the local YMCA in the hopes of meeting built hotties like 3circledsun. That is, I had joined until I realized what a mysoginistic, cunt hating penis party that joint is! Young MENS christian association?!?! Thank god I found out about the Womyn's positive fitness center called "Shemotions". Now I'm taking hip-hop classes and getting mad lip-lappin from this sweet tranny chick they call Indygo. Stay tuned for my new poetry installations coming soon to your friends list! (Comment on this)